Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
