it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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