So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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