I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
