Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
