that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
