Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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