Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
