I'm so fucking centered right now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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