I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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