Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
