Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
