This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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