I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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