your parents love me but you hate me
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
