it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
