The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
