either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
