I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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