I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
why is half of my head shaved?
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