I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
