Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
