I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Randomize
