i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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