why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
