so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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