It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
