I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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