Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
