I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
