On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize