Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Randomize
