My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
