so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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