Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Small penises have feelings too.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Oh god it's open bar.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
