If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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