Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
