Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
being pregnant is like rehab
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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