no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
