I met the friendliest cop last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
