come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
