well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
