how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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