I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
