i need an iv and a liver transplant
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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