my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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