i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
