and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
