i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
