wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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