Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
