At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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