I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
