there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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