he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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