Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
