i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
