I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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