Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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