i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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