just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
