90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
