Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
