does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
