Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
