There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
