He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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