i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Its about making memories worth repressing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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