No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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