i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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