I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
