Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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