do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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