Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize