i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry about my life...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
