I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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