we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
