Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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