just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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