I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
