She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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