If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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