alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
