Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
