1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
