I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
