oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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