take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
