even my farts smell like vagina
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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