I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
two words...techno handjob
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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