The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
