it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
