bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My vagina is officially offended.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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