Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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