can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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