sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
