I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
everyone is single if you try hard enough
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
