I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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