i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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