Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
