You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
