I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
