The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize