He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I cannot find my penis.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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