Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
