When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
no, he came in my armpit
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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